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Showing posts with label feelings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label feelings. Show all posts

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Sent

 

:lately (for months actually) I have been struggling with church, what the church has become, and what’s going on within churches that it has gripped me in a way I’ve never experience before. A way I have wrestled with and tried to understand.  It’s taken me awhile but I’m finally at a uncomfortable place where I can recognize it and deal with it.  

Bottom line is this: I am not satisfied and I know it’s time for the church to AWAKE.  Not just my local church home but I’m referring to the BODY as a whole….it’s many members…it’s entire entity.  I am not satisfied with settling and doing/living the bare minimum.  I do not attend church to watch musicians give concerts, I attend church expecting the spirit of the Lord to be ushered in.  I go to worship, to press in, to let God’s spirit have it’s way so that His will can be fulfilled. Not man’s agenda or good ideas.  I do not like routine services where everything is expected.  I do not like when we compromise the Holy Spirit.  I also am not satisfied with the lack of preaching and taking the good news out into the streets. 

How reassuring to know that I am not alone in my un-satisfaction and that there are other people out there with the same irritations and frustrations.  And while I went through the various stages of not knowing what to do about all this, of wanting to change but not channeling my efforts in the right directions, God has slowly began speaking to me and my attitude has changed.  I am no longer frustrated to the point where I just sit back and watch it happen, my fight instinct has started to arise and bubble within me.  And now that it’s here I should have known it would have been coupled with the fight/the opposition.

For you see for the first time in a long time, I was ready to go to church. Not to see if things would be different, not to see friends and family or check out the musicians, but because something in my spirit had changed. An urgency was there.  I was excited again.  This morning everything went wacky (woke up later than the alarm was intended for, our 2 year old lab peed in her crate and in the floor and she never has accidents, the enemy had me feeling my husband was against me, my bath water was cold, and I didn’t have time to get ready due to all these set backs and delays) and left me feeling smothered by lowly feelings that I had no motivation to fight back from this attack.  I gave up.

I was really feeling down on myself for allowing the enemy to get one over on me that I just  began to weep and cry.  Praise God for speaking through my husband who encouraged me.  He basically conveyed “yeah okay Jennie so you messed up, you gave up and didn’t fight, but God’s still here in this room this very second. You might not have made it to church but you can still fight here.” I was so encouraged and that sense of being a failure evaporated. 

So I picked up a bible study at Lifeway last week called SENT: Living the Missional Nature of the Church by Ed Stetzer.  So this morning I started to read the introduction and it was confirmed that this study did not leap out of the shelves for no reason. 

Here are a few snippets from the introduction that really stuck out to me:

“Missional is an important word because it doesn’t describe what we do as Christ-followers; it describes who we are as Christ-followers”

“By definition the church is a body of believers sent into the world. But many churches, particularly in the United States, seem to have developed a more stationary identidy, requiring the world to come to them to receive the healing, redemption, and salvation promised through Christ”

He went on to explain it’s like we’ve planted our feet within our comfortable church walls and said ‘come to us” instead of us going out and MOVING OUR FEET and saying to the world hey “we’re coming”

“The Holy Spirit is awakening the idea in us that any church that does not affect real change in it’s community, country, and the world is severely neglecting it’s true purpose”

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So if you share in my feelings, or have ever felt like this before I truly believe things are getting ready to change.  And you, the general reader can be a part of the change..the movement. So don’t feel bad in your dis-satisfaction. You shouldn’t. Because there’s more. We weren’t called to settle.

 

So Get Going…..

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Hearing..and listening..seeking and needing

Moses and the Burning Bush
: through this exchange of talking bushes and Moses stopping to listen it's obvious that God had something important for Moses. Moses did not have to question too long, nor stop to read the chapter entitled "how to hear from God". There was something about that voice..that presentation and delivery of authority that moved Moses into an "all ears" position:
Oh Lord how I long for the obvious, for my ears seem to deafened or maybe You've just kept quiet, kept things hidden and have been waiting for the right time to open Your mouth and drop words of instruction into my ears. I pray I haven't been too busy or distracted to notice any obvious doors You've opened. If the record has been playing, I need it to skip and play the part over and over again that is the answer to my questions. I just ask for open air waves and obvious signs. So obvious and in my face that I become sick of it. I cannot let up until I find peace.


...........I am desperate for something, anything that will sustain me..(sustain me with raisen cakes for I am sick with love)-song of songs. Needing You to prepare a place for me in the midst of all that hurts so I can come and seek whats on Your heart. As much as I've wanted to I cannot turn too far from what weighs heavily on my heart. There is no peace in this state of limbo Lord. The urgency cries out and refuses to be denied.
"Listen to me!
Hear me!
I"m screaming to Thee,
deny me not my heart"
For too long that's all I have done. Denied my emotions and feelings a voice.
oh how I need to hear His voice minister to my soul.
"Painted plastic smiles put on for it's easier to pretend
the pretty girl is perfectly patterned and put together.
Perhaps pictures skim the surface and portray a false presentation
of what lies in the depths of
pain.
Pick me apart"