I just described the reality of build up/scum from the not smart choices made last year and craving for food more than I should have/needed to.
Last year was a very stressful and crazy year for me which resulted into a HUGE transition for me. This year I started teaching 1st grade after 7 years of teaching students with behavior and emotional disabilities. During my last year in EC, I took all my emotions, stress, frustrations, etc and dived into the comfort of eating (always eating). Craving for food (especially sweet delicacies) when panic and anxiety hit.
At the time did I care that I was gaining a rather large muffin top? At the time did I care that my pants were becoming a little snug and the cellulite on my thighs looked like I had bathed in cottage cheese? Did I care that I couldn't fit into my bathing suits?
I was not in a good place and completely let myself go. At that point I did not care.
Once I passed my Praxis and secured my position as a 1st grade teacher, I started to breathe again. I was my normal self again. I felt like Jennie however, I had awakened from the nightmare only to find a me I wasn't exactly proud of. The self esteem monster haunted and mocked and I went through a phase of wallowing, moping, feeling sorry for myself.
Then I got talked into rejoining the gym. The hubs said he would help hold me accountable. Exercise, the gym, being in shape...these are not foreign concepts to me as for 13 years of my life I cheered.
We could go together. I agreed and went to the gym...inconsistently. On and off. Lacking the drive, the motivation, the spark to get up and GOOOOOOOOOOOO. So I dated the gym on and off for months and was surprised that I didn't get dumped. I wasn't pulling my end of the deal at all. (I will blog about my struggle with consistency in another post)
Along with the gym came the change in eating habits. The hubs and I both decided we needed to eat clean and train at the gym. It doesn't matter how often you go to the gym or how hard you put in the work, if you are feeding your body crap, you will get CRAP results!
So changes are being walked out. In the midst of all this I felt the Lord wanted me to start reading Made to Crave by Lysa Terkeurst. (Note: I have had this book for quite a while as well as the study guide but it just sat on my bookshelf).
As I have started reading this book and completing the study I came to a gross realization: I had been craving food more than I was craving God. I relied on it, I turned to it as a source of comfort. I needed it when I was stressed or upset. (I am just being real and transparent). I was so far gone that I didn't even pay attention to the spiritual battle that warred within.
Not anymore. I am making changes. Not just a how to but as Lisa says "a want to- the spiritual and mental motivation to make LASTING changes". I plan on blogging more as I walk out this journey. I would love to hear your journey if you have read the book or gone through the study and how you were impacted.
"We were made to crave-long for-want greatly-desire eagerly and beg for God...Only God"