Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Peeling back the layers to realign my Cravings

Stress eating. Emotional food cravings. Gut problems. Weight gain. Non-stop vicious cycle. Letting myself go for a food affair. Sugar junkie. 

I  just described the reality of build up/scum from the not smart choices made last year and craving for food more than I should have/needed to.

Last year was a very stressful and crazy year for me which resulted into a HUGE transition for me. This year I started teaching 1st grade after 7 years of teaching students with behavior and emotional disabilities. During my last year in EC, I took all my emotions, stress, frustrations, etc and dived into the comfort of eating (always eating). Craving for food (especially sweet delicacies) when panic and anxiety hit.

At the time did I care that I was gaining a rather large muffin top? At the time did I care that my pants were becoming a little snug and the cellulite on my thighs looked like I had bathed in cottage cheese? Did I care that I couldn't fit into my bathing suits?

I was not in a good place and completely let myself go.  At that point I did not care.

Once I passed my Praxis and secured my position as a 1st grade teacher, I started to breathe again. I was my normal self again. I felt like Jennie however,  I had awakened from the nightmare only to find a me I wasn't exactly proud of.  The self esteem monster haunted and mocked and I went through a phase of wallowing, moping, feeling sorry for myself.

Then I got talked into rejoining the gym.  The hubs said he would help hold me accountable. Exercise, the gym, being in shape...these are not foreign concepts to me as for 13 years of my life I cheered.

We could go together. I agreed and went to the gym...inconsistently. On and off. Lacking the drive, the motivation, the spark to get up and GOOOOOOOOOOOO. So I dated the gym on and off for months and was surprised that I didn't get dumped. I wasn't pulling my end of the deal at all. (I will blog about my struggle with consistency in another post)

Along with the gym came the change in eating habits. The hubs and I both decided we needed to eat clean and train at the gym. It doesn't matter how often you go to the gym or how hard you put in the work, if you are feeding your body crap, you will get CRAP results!

So changes are being walked out. In the midst of all this I felt the Lord wanted me to start reading Made to Crave by Lysa Terkeurst. (Note: I have had this book for quite a while as well as the study guide but it just sat on my bookshelf).

As I have started reading this book and completing the study I came to a gross realization: I had been craving food more than I was craving God. I relied on it, I turned to it as a source of comfort. I needed it when I was stressed or upset. (I am just being real and transparent). I was so far gone that I didn't even pay attention to the spiritual battle that warred within.

Not anymore. I am making changes. Not just a how to but as Lisa says "a want  to- the spiritual and mental motivation to make LASTING changes". I plan on blogging more as I walk out this journey. I would love to hear your journey if you have read the book or gone through the study and how you were impacted.

"We were made to crave-long for-want greatly-desire eagerly and beg for God...Only God" 

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Kiara Laura

My mom and dad own 2 dogs. Cyrus (on the left) and Kiara (on the right).  Kiara is a golden retriever queen and my mother's pride and joy.  The dog she always wanted as a child but never had.
I've been spending a lot of time visiting the Queen in hopes it will make her perk up and feel better. 

 Mom took her to the vet a week and a half ago due to her peeing a lot and drinking a lot.  The vet did blood work and they found sugar in her urine.  This is obviously a hint of possible diabetes but they wanted to put her on antibiotic and recheck in a week in case it was a fluke or some sort of infection.

Since then Kiara has had her moments of high energy as well as resting and not feeling good.  She's even woke mom and dad up in the middle of the night to potty as well as had a few accidents during the day.  I've went a couple times during my last days of summer freedom to let her out and just chill with them. 
The above picture is her grinning as I was eating my Happy Meal during one  visit. She loves food. But    has not been allowed to eat table scraps or anything extra during her weekly waiting period.
 Plants from my parent's house
 Smiling. Being outside with pop.:)
 Purple shamrocks. These are my fave.
Her vet appointment has been changed from Friday to tomorrow due to her still drinking and peeing large amounts as well as her eye started watering.  They will test her blood again and then we will find out if it's diabetes or not.

Please be in prayer for sweet Kiara.  We all want her to feel better and find some answers.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Seeking for Wisdom 02

Proverbs 11:28- A life devoted to things is a dead life..a stump.
A God shaped life is a flourishing tree.

(as scribbled in my journal)
Priorities, priorities, priorities
If lady wisdom were around she'd probably be shaking her head with that tsk, tsk, tsk thing going on.  It seems like more and more there are more and more distracting things thrown into our already ADHD worlds (things, things, things).
it's a fight to see if we are really making the right priorities
What we are holding and valuing in the highest regard.
What things are demanding our attention and are they even worth gaining our attention?
Our we God pleasing? or man pleasing? 
Is living Kingdom minded a fashion fleeting away or are we the pioneers of a revolution of God seeking, God fearing, power shaking, earth changing warriors?
Is it my four and no more?
Do we recognize the God shaped life?
I want a God shaped that flourishes, thrives, grows, evolves into eternal goodness. 
Shake everything that can be shaken.
Starting with our priorities.

i love with the Lord speaks through wisdom.

Monday, July 25, 2011

make time..find the time..

this has been the first summer where I haven't worked at the daycare (summer camp).  After 5 years of teaching and working each summer 30 to 40 hours, I felt like this summer I would just hang out and relax, enjoy the time I had on my, craft, create, do nothing.

I have to admit.  I found myself with too much time on my hands.  All my family and friends were at work so there was limited hang out availability.  I was able to read, to rest, to relax, to do nothing....but I became restless.  I became ready to explode with action and an outlet for something.  Then it came up that my in law's needed some help working at their furniture store.  I would only be working 2 days a week and get to work those days with my husband.  I've never sold furniture in my life and it def. forced me to step out of my teaching is life comfort zone.  But it's been good to have something to do.  It's been good to be uncomfortable.

God's been speaking to me about comfort zones. How dangerous it can be if we remain, take refuge, and refuse to move out of our comfort zones.  For comfort, familiarity, can breed complacency. I'm leaning how to see God in the uncomfortable places.  In those things that scratch and provoke me (not in a bad way).  For it's in our moments of un-comfort that God requires us to step up, rely on Him, trust solely on Him, believe that He will meet us.

I also have came to the revelation through my reflections on time this summer that:
1) Idle time is no good. No friend. It leaves for idle thoughts and an open door for the enemy to step in and start whispering lies.
2) Time management is key. I have also learned that I enjoy having a schedule and following it.
3). Letting God invade my time and wreck my "schedules" is well worth it, no matter how big of a fit I pitch.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Seeking for Wisdom 01

I needed to steal away last night into the quiet. Into the place where it's just me and God. I kept hearing 'wisdom' and knew that instead of trying to lean unto my own understanding God was sending me to the book of proverbs.  I opened up to Chapter 10 and my eyes fell  upon verse 12.

"Hatred stirreth up strife but love covers all sins"

notice it says ALL sins...not just some...not just the ones we think may weigh as more serious than others...ALL SINS
Sin is sin, and the truth is, we all sin. But love covers a multitude of sins. God's love is so wide and deep that it covers our sins.  Could you image what it would be like if God was like "oh you sinned today, I can't love you anymore...'you sinned again are you kidding me? I can't believe you lied to me, i'm done with you." Praise God he loves us in the midst of our sins. He loves us when we trip, slip, and fall smack on our faces.  He loves us when we lie to Him, when we lie to ourselves.  God is not a God of strife and division.  Being upset and stirring up anger leads to strife (vigorous or bitter conflictdiscord, or antagonism) And that's not something we want being stirred up.
I don't now about anyone else but that is a beautiful revelation to embrace: love covers all sins.  

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Beach Wedding

I love beach weddings. The husband and I attended one last Saturday down in Ocean Isle beach. check out how gorgeous it was:

 The bride and groom being married by my old youth pastor.

It was so simple but so serene.
Starfish lined the aisle the bride walked down. 
Perfect background
They had music but the waves could have been sufficient enough.
The hubby and I had to get a beach photograph as well.
Aren't we adorable?

WE had one day where we made a trek to the beach. Luckily for having a pass to the MB national park grounds we found a perfect spot to lay out. Hotel and multi family vacationers free. 
The only bad part was the wind was picking up and we were being pelted by sand. 
which caused the 2 most pasty people on the beach to head in earlier. 

I can't wait to get back to the beach in August for the anniversary.

Monday, June 27, 2011

Father's Day highlights

Meet the dads. On the left side is my daddy, on the right side is David's daddy (my Father in law)

Cookout menu included:
Shrimp, steak, and chicken kabobs,
from the garden grilled zuchinni  and squash
white rice
corn on the cob (on the grill)
this amazing veggie salad that my mother in law made

can you smell the goodness?
Here's my yummy plate

it's quite normal if your mouth is drooling right now

stuffing our faces

Hawk fellas

Dad got a fire pit. He was pretty pumped about the situation

My apologies for just now getting these posted.
We had a wonderful time and I am looking forward to our July 4th cookout as well.

Saturday, June 11, 2011

So cleary I took a blogging break.  Been pondering much. Feeling greatly. Searching frequently. 
and I think  I'm ready to get back into the swing of things.
So here's a picture recap of things that have been going on in the life of Mrs. J Hawk:)
1. Kaylee and I have been doing some mega bonding. I've had her since she was a puppy and granted she is 2 years old (close to 3)...but she's been pretty independent and not really the snuggler type of dog.  All it took was a little discipline with the squirt bottle and her getting on the treadmill with me to run, and now we are thicker than thieves. 

 2. This is the hubby and I on Easter Sunday

 oh you know just hanging out with the flowers

 3. Salem and Josiah are still their typical terrier selves.  Salem just recently licked a frog last week and got really sick.  The things I had read about dogs licking and even eating frogs are not good.  Luckily all she did was constantly lick her mouth every three seconds and then threw up about 3 hours after she licked the frog. I stayed up with her that whole night and got little to no sleep. I am glad to say that she bounced back and was acting normal the next day.  
 4. Here is my lovely mother on Mother's Day.  David and I ended up heading over to my parents house first , then my grandmothers for a cookout, and lastly to his parent's house to celebrate with his momma.  All mother's had a fabulous day. 
 I made mom a cake plate and she loved it!:)

 5. Mom and Dad's big summer project this year is their garden.  This was how it looked back in May. You should see it now. It's completely full of home grown goodness. 

 6. David got to hold a baby at the Mother's Day cookout.  We've been asked a lot about when we are going to start our own lil "Hawk's Nest". In due time we due time.  Needless to say the grandmothers are more than ready for grandbabies to spoil. 
 7. David and I got to be a part of his cousin's (who is one of my good friends as well) wedding at the end of May.  Here we are dolled up to head to the rehearsal and dinner. Of course we had to include the fur babies in the photo shoot. 

8. Love remains. Even when everything else around us may be falling apart, we are still constant...we still go on.

9. I have 2 more days of school with my students and have recently started my classroom blog which is here:
you should go and follow and support my teacherish posts as well
After my last 2 days with the students I have a few teacher work days to put in...and then summer break is MINE!!!

10. I have started buckling down on my weight and fitness which I will be posting about separately very soon. 

Hope you're ready for more of me, because I'm planning on sticking around.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Happy Spring Break

Spring Break is finally here.  Yesterday was half day workshop then back to school to get some planning/work done.  I am grateful to have some time off to relax and just rest.  However, i have been battling some stomach pain/issues for about 2 weeks now.  The pain is on my right side and will come and go. At times it can make me feel very much sick. YUCK.  I went to the doctor last Wednesdays ago and answered a lot of questions, did a lot of describing only to have to do stool samples and start taking an anit spasim medication for the bloating/gas/pain in stomach.  Despite the meds I still have been experiencing pain (it's been a week since the appointment).  My stool samples came back all normal so now I think the next step is getting an ultra sound done.  This is a huge interference with me enjoying my spring break and I am praying God's healing just rocks my stomach back to normal status.

I am planning to finish organizing/spring cleaning.  Today I was able to clean the house and I organized the master bathroom cabinets under the sink as well as my nightstand.  There are still some rooms/spaces that loom over my head but they will have to wait. 

I am super excited because Mega Thrift is having a 50% off the entire store sale tomorrow and I will totally be there when the doors open.  :)

PS: did I mention that it flurried yesterday here in Winston Salem, North Carolina. Yes it's true. and it's been cold.  Now that is not springish at all.