Monday, December 17, 2007

Christmas is...

X posted in my tumblr

Christmas is so different to me this year. My heart has been shifted towards people, others, family, friends, loved ones, strangers in a way I have not felt nor experienced before. Not saying that I’ve always been this selfish person, but this year I could care less about ME and what I get or don’t get.

This year Christmas is:

*anticipation of seeing my students’ faces light up with excitement as we take delight in all our Christmas festivies this week at school. Extending a gesture of love in hopes that somehow it will mean something and make a different. I want Christmas to be special for them.

*the longing for those without Jesus in their lives, to receive the BEST gift ever given…A SAVIOR.

*reaching out to those that are in NEED. the art of giving..and it’s not necessarily all about money all the time. It’s so much more but yet a lot simpiler than we allow it to be. Giving of time, attention, frienship/companionship, love, a listening ear, ….

*Spending time with family and thanking God for them being in my life. Life is too short to take our loved ones for granted. My grandmother has bone cancer and is in the hospital and they say she might get to come home for Christmas.

*all the decorations and how they bring me back to my childhood memories

Let us not get caught up in the hustle bustle, gotta get the presents, money, materialistic side of the holidays. There is so much more than the exterior.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Frozen words

X posted in my tumblr (hah yeah don't ask I just stumbled upon it)

My journal has remain untouched except for when I need to jot down a scripture or related revelation, or when I attend The Well and God begins moving. This lapse of written word has been the norm for the past months. I miss having words spew over and I miss knowing what to do with them. Now it just seems, they remain in this frozen state and I can only stare waiting for something to come along and melt them back into existence.

Until they ignite a flame,

I will take it by force

So thus it starts with this.

with hopes something productive and meaningful will come out of it.

collect these thoughts and give them life.

On the flip side, there are particular things in my life in which the words are there just waiting for their chance to break forth, but the intensity requires a “holding period” and again I ..must…wait. Silence finds it’s way to my lips and forces me to swallow the words that describe the way I feel inside.

confused yet? Don’t’s just a day in the life of little ole me:)

Sunday, December 2, 2007

Jesus is coming forth in His people

Everything is so accurate and parallel in the spirit and what God is doing upon the Earth. This is from Rick Joyner received via The Elijah List. If you have not subscribed I encourage you to do so.

Rick Joyner writes:

"Even so, the greatest sign of the end of the age is not the tribulation or what the devil is doing, but what God is doing. The greatest sign of the end of the age is going to be the Church becoming all that she is called to be, prepared as a worthy Bride for the King of kings. That is why the Lord, when asked about the signs of the end of the age, responded with the signs that were almost all great troubles. However, He also said in Luke 17:20-21, "The Kingdom of God is not coming with signs to be observed; nor will they say, 'Look, here it is!' or, 'There it is!' For behold, the Kingdom of God is in your midst."

With all of the focus on the outward signs, many are missing the most important one of all--what is taking place right in our midst. There is something so remarkable going on in the Church, and few, even in the Church, seem to be seeing it. There is a mighty army such as the world has never seen before, or will see again, starting to come together. What we should be looking for more than anything else is for the Lord to come forth in His people.

The way we know that someone is called as a teacher is not by their knowledge, degrees, or how articulate they are, but by seeing "The Teacher" in them. Likewise, the way we know that someone is a true pastor is not by their certificates or even their compassion for people, but when we see our Shepherd in them. The way I know that someone is called to leadership in the Church is when I see my King coming forth in them. We only have true spiritual authority by abiding in the King.

The Lord really is starting to come forth in His people. We are seeing true teachers, shepherds, pastors, prophets, and I believe soon, true last-day apostles, some of whom are among us now. We will see even the feeble in the Body of Christ rise up as mighty warriors like David. We are going to see the great men and women of God who were raised up throughout Church history like seeds, with a thousand like Martin Luther, a thousand like John Calvin, a thousand like John Knox, a thousand like John Wesley, a thousand like Zinzendorf, and a thousand like Billy Graham, and so on. These were all seeds and we are going to see the harvest at the end of the age. However, the greatest of all is to see Jesus coming forth in His people.

When the Lord created man, He commanded us to "be fruitful and multiply" (see Genesis 1:22). Jesus, the Son of man, will have obeyed this more than any other. We are coming to the time when all of the seeds that He has sown into man will come to full maturity. It is true that the seeds the evil one has sown in mankind will also be coming to full maturity, which is what happens at the harvest--the wheat and tares are mature. Even so, we are going to see the power and glory of the wheat greatly overwhelming the tares. Truth is going to prevail over every lie, and life is going to prevail over death. This will be a witness for all of eternity that the One will prevail over any challenge.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

cracker vs. bread.

more bread.
not just a cracker anymore.
that will just not do.

after 4 hours of dance practice today I'm pretty much braindead and unable to move my body.

apologies to short blogs and incomplete thoughts.

Friday, November 2, 2007

Sunday, October 21, 2007


What makes people so unpredictable?
Is it our flesh? and rotten corrupt nature?

Oh how I am learning that I will NOT find myself in a position of past failures, upsets, and hurts. We cling only to release.
Some things I just can't hold in my hands.
I don't know how to handle them properly.
And end up making a mess of what I touch.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

carrying away the too late sins of yesterday

I dreamed about abortion last night. Not all night long but for a snippet of the night hours.
There was this large building which was obviously a large abortion clinic. It was almost as big as a hospital which is quite scary that an abortion clinic that big would even be allowed to exist. I remember a bunch of people including myself gazed upon piles and piles of large black trash bags. They were bulging with fullness and I didn't have to guess what was contained inside. Instinct told me that enclosed inside the trashbags were the remains of what was once LIFE. Limbs torn from bodies, and bloodied babies suffocated in black as their bodies were detached from the lifesource they had been happily floating in, growing in, LIVING IN. Some people stood in shock not moving, just watching as more and more bags were slung out the back door. It reminded me of the pits the Jews were thrown in and burned during the Holocaust. All that flesh, that was once life stacking up right in front of my eyes.

Something inside me burned and raged and I ran towards the bags and began gathering them up. I remember carrying them away but to where, my dream did not allow me to see. I remember thinking, No they cannot do this, they cannot kill these babies....when in acutuality, the murder had already been committed. I had been too late to stop them. Why was I late?

In my dream I had felt as if somewhere I had become tolerable and stopped fighting, stopped praying, stopped interceeding. The saddest part was that even though I could not see into the trashbags, God showed me each of the babies faces and a snippet of what there life was "supposed to be like" flashed before me. I saw great and noble warriors, I saw doctors, lawyers, politicians, artists, writers, teachers, business gurus, life changers, WORLD changers. Their plump round faces with rosy cheeks was nothing in comparison to the reality of what laid in the trash bags. My soul began to cry and pour out buckets of tears for these babies. I suddenly felt responsible.

When I woke up God spoke to me and simply said, "We cannot for one second forget about abortion nor tolerate those things that will try and silence us."

In admittance I repented for laying down my baton and not interceeding on behalf of the voiceless. Do not forget about the babies.

Jesus Loves the little children
all the children of the world
red and yellow black and white
they are precious in His sight
Jesus loves the little children of the world.

13Then little children were brought to Jesus for him to place his hands on them and pray for them. But the disciples rebuked those who brought them.
14Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." 15When he had placed his hands on them, he went on from there. (matthew 13-14)

Thursday, October 11, 2007

God is the best exfoliator ever.

I like what's starting to surface.

Sunday, September 30, 2007

Autumn how I love th ee

I love the promises of Fall and how Autumn has danced inside my window.
I look forward to the remaining beauty that will soon unfold as God paints the leaves with His hands.

With Fall's arrival has come nasty allergies which have turned into a fever but praise the Lord I AM AN OVERCOMER on by HIS STRIPES and those things he endured on the cross...His sufferings, His bruises, His pain...all so that I may know live eternally, and be healed. How can one not believe in the God who formed the universe and us in our mother's womb. Who can deny His existence and love, power, and protection. As the leaves turn this fall I pray so will the hearts that have been hardened.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

oh how i let my anger keep me away from You

Today I felt mocked by the enemy as anger and irritation rose within from something that took place around 3:45ish. I had a check coming in the mail that I needed in the bank TODAY so that I can get my car inspected (I am already a month overdue). So I get home (to my parents house actually), check the mail, and hmmmmmmmmm that's odd we have the next door neighbors mail. Where is our mail with my check? Oh who knows? It's not where it should be. So after lots of phone calls, frantic spastic moments, driving to 2 different post offices, filing a complaint, calling my boss to tell her the situation, getting home at 5:30 checkless....I had to look back and be like man I did not handle this situation at all like I wanted to. And all the while when I had been pointing fingers at the devil, my boyfriend provoked me and said "jennie have you ever thought that maybe God was trying to test/work your patience.?"

Nope I was too mad to stop and maybe try and look for the God/Good in the situation. Often times we do that to ourselves. We allow our emotions and rage to win us over and leave us tired and all bent out of shape...sinning pretty as you please. When if I would have just STOPPED and checked myself, cried out to God, and waited for HIM to help me, I could have avoided a lot of mess. Not only did I get in a hot mess but I also took some things out on the people that cared about me when it wasn't even their faults. Why do we do that?

Lord let us not let our emotions/frustrations/irritations get the best of us and yank us under the current of anger/rage/lashing out. Keep us from sin Lord as we turn away from our problems and fix our eyes on you. I ask that we no longer act our of our fleshly promptings but turn and cleave to our spiritual help. I cleave to You 2night Lord and repent for allowing the afternoon and it's events to get the best of me and cause me to sin.

So today I learned:
1. I have a lot to walk out and work on
2. Our enemy at times wants us to get so distracted in our "problems" pointing the blame on him, keeping our bodies and energies towards him,....distracting us from the still small voice that may be trying to teach us a lesson.
3. GEtting angry over something you can't exactly change at that exact moment only leads to further destruction and sin.
4.Today my kids and I read a book called STOP, drop and chill (ways to control anger). I think God was trying to prepare me this morning and speak to me through the book.

Monday, September 10, 2007

The Land Cries out for a Savior

The other day I found myself strolling the aisle of Target and couldn't help but hear the conversation that was loudly taking place on the next aisle between two college aged girls. They were discussing various parties and drunken moments and retarded, idiotic things they did while intoxicated. Lowering their voices in hushed giggles they started talking about smoking pot but obviously their tones remained open to the public. Throughout this conversation multiple choice cuss words flowed out of their mouth like garbage going down a trash chute. I couldn't believe that they had no shame nor remorse in their brag fest as adults with small children walked by. It disgusted me and I felt dirty as I walked past them. What has become of our young adults and their conversations. Bragging over who got the drunkest or who blazed the most...what credentials are they looking for. Underneath the hype and hoopla a deeper voice cries out. Look at me, want me, pay attention to me. Starving for something they don't even know is within reach.

Oh how the land cries out for a Savior.

Earlier this evening while I was taking my dog out to potty a guy in a red truck pulled up talking loudly on the phone. Apparently the conversation was not one of agreement for the man began yelling at the other person on the phone. Minutes went by and he continued to holler choice words into the phone. On my way back inside he slammed his car door and told the person on the phone he was a wack mother' f'er and said about 10 other cuss words. Anger was brewing and moving and lashing out at the recipient on the other end of the line. Many acts of violence have been birthed from anger..rage..torment.

Oh how the land cries out for a SAvior.

Day in, day out if we just look around the world paints a picture of the need...the hunger...the desperation. It's in the faces you may pass by in the streets, or the stranger you may be too busy to greet,'s all around you.

I pray we will not be too busy to see
what it is the world really needs

Oh how the land

cries out
for a

1 Chronicles 16:35 (New International Version)

35 Cry out, "Save us, O God our Savior
gather us and deliver us from the nations,
that we may give thanks to your holy name,
that we may glory in your praise."

Monday, September 3, 2007


My lack of blogging publically has only been a reflection of God pulling me behind closed doors to work some things out. Not only that but also to woo me back to my first love. That ultimately is His heart's cry for His beloved. That we would come back to our first love. I cannot say it has been easy for our pride and flesh get inbetween so very much. But even now as we speak He calls, and even now as I type when He whispers secrets into my ears, my whole body bursts out in goosebumps.

He moves through my veins and pumps fresh annointings, creative gifts, and promises of Hope.
Oh Lord that YOU are good and worthy to be praised.

FYI: I have another blog for my archived blog files from myspace. The Link is this:

Monday, August 6, 2007

I've been complicating a lot

in terms of my relationship with God
and it hasn't been until recently that I've caught that revelation and allowed it to penetrate into my heart and be absorbed by my soul.

Friday, June 15, 2007

The Elijah Revolution

I'm nearing the closure of reading The Elijah's Revolution by Jim W Goll and Lou Engle. Today I read about the balance between the Church and the State as well as how prayer was taken out of the schools. I revisited some information I had looked up after the VA tech shootings and found Madalyn Murray O'Hair. She was a woman who founded American Atheists, and campaigned for the separation of church and state. She also was responsible for this:

In 1960, Murray filed a lawsuit (Murray v. Curlett) against the Baltimore, Maryland School District in which she claimed it was unconstitutional for her son William to be required to participate in Bible readings at Baltimore public schools. She further claimed that her son's refusal to partake in the Bible readings had made him the victim of violence from other classmates that she claimed was overlooked by administrators. (William later publicly stated that her claims of his being a victim of violence were fraudulent; see below.) In 1963, this suit (amalgamated with the similar Abington School District v. Schempp) reached the United States Supreme Court which voted 8-1 in her favor, effectively banning "coercive" public prayer and Bible-reading at public schools in the United States. (For more information see this site or google search her:'Hair

So as I continued to read and God put me in rememberance of the fury this stirred in my spirit I was overwhelmed with a burden to start doing what our forefathers did not do. Press in, be a voice, NO TOLERANCE to these things that we have allowed to take place. Silence will get us nowhere. We pretty much let an Atheist take prayer and bible readings out of our schools and didn't do a darn thing about it. Something about that sits horribly within my spirit.

I have included what Lou and Jim say regarding the seperation of the Church and the State because I think it is worth reading and worth sharing. I pray it speaks to you and stirs a zealous passion to begin intercessing and crying out to take back what is God's!!

" During recent decades the Church sat largely silent while the nation's godly heritage was gradually stripped away through legislation and court decisions. Almost without a fight the people of God yielded the field to the enemies of truth, surrendering biblical principles and values to the God denying forces of humanism and rationalism.

Jesus defined the proper balance between Church and state when He said, "Render to Ceasar the things that are Ceasar's and to God, the things that are God's (Mk 12:17) Much of the country's problems stem from the fact that the Church has rendered to Ceasar things that never were Ceasar's to start with, yielding to the state prerogatives that God never gave to the state. God never gave the state jurisdiction over public prayer or the authority to regulate personal expressions of faith. He never assigned to the state the right to define the parameters or relative value of human life, whether unborn or otherwise. God never relegated to the state the prerogative to redefine the family or to rewrite moral standards according to personal whim so that virtually anything is "acceptable." God never rendered these things to Ceasar, but the Church did! We, the blood bought Church of Jesus Christ, surrendered them through inattention and neglect.

This is why we fast and pray. This is why we cry out.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

the war.

Oh it cannot be in vain.

And yet I must stir up my soul to lay hold of that which I cannot comprehend.

The glass in their hands tries to stab me in the front as well as the back.
But a higher power shields me from their spirit of two facedness that has been trying to smother me.

Send the truth Lord.
Send the Real, loving, and genuine ones.

Sunday, June 10, 2007

9-14 have been busy, pressing days...

but God in His faithfulness has reminded me and redirected me continually through this time frame. Nudges, gentle shoves forward to the course I am to walk in, the route I am to not veer off of, and how to remain under His covering and in His will.

Monday, June 4, 2007

Days 6.7.8

Day 6's theme was Rain. I continued reading about Elijah in 1 Kings 18:41. While I was reading I was also listening to a Leonard Jones instrumental worship cd and this particular song really took me to an ancient village. The people were from a descent of dark skin. Their houses were made of mud and grasses and the dust was swirling and floating into the atmosphere from the red roads. I saw children with dark hair and deep brown almond eyes stop from whatever they were doing and made their way outside. They pushed their hair out of their eyes and gazed up into the sky. Soon after the parents and elders of the village joined them outside. The wind began to pick up speed and rustled their hair as well as the bushes/shrubs around them. Their faces held unspoken hope and desperation. Was it a sign of rain? Were the clouds formed with the promise of water to spill over? Had the drought finally ceased? What was it Lord that they were looking at? What had moved them in this standstill position in a trance that requires their gaze to move up, up into the open skies?

Then God took me back to this scripture in 1 Kings 18:41: THERE IS A SOUND OF ABUNDANCE OF RAIN.

It was as if God was giving me the sound of the abundance of rain through this simple worship song. Elijah then went up to the top of Mount Carmel to humble and reverance himself before the Lord and pray/CRY OUT for rain. The servant was sent out to check the skies for rain. His return came back with a report of nothing. But Elijah did not give up. He sent the servant out 7 times. The seventh time there was a sign of rain (a little cloud shaped like a man's hand). This one small cloud produced a black sky with great winds and the production of a GREAT RAIN.

Points to Ponder/Jru sidenotes:
1. another reoccuring theme I noticed with Elijah was his humbleness as well as his VOICE to cry out continually before the Lord. My tongue has been so silenced lately it seems. I pray that God fashions this cry within us all and let it be exercised in it's full capacity.
2. Persistent Perseverance continued to rise up within me as I meditated upon this passage. Elijah did not give up despite what it did or did not look like. The promise had already been laid, and the expectancy stirred wildly within the one who persistently perservered.

Later that night (Saturday) at the Well we prayed for ...RAIN! and one of my second/third mother's prayed out the same passage "Let there be a sound of abundance of rain". God was really preparing my spirit and heart ahead of time as to the direction He wanted us to move.

Later that night (Saturday) and all day Sunday guess what it did? IT RAINED!

At the Well we also prayed for The Call. After everyone finished prayer the following rolled through me and I had to write it down lest it pass me by:::" It's time to strip off and shut up the spirit of seduction, seperation, and the sinful serenades we've had with the things of this world"

Day 7 was embraced from all angles and I truely believe God was trying to holler at me and draw me deeper unto Him. I broke through my "no sunday church attendance" slump and visited another church. The Word was really good and then later I got the chance to have a prophetic word spoken over me and I was prayed over. It was amazing and nudged me into the direction I had already been pursuing. Confirmation and words of love spoken over me left me reminded of the princess I am, and how much my beloved loves me. (I guess somewhere I had detatched myself from that..or simply forgot).

Last night on the way home I became burdened to pray for people and situations I never in a million years would have thought I would want to or be able to pray for the things that were pressing at me. But it came, and it flowed and I truely felt a sweet release in the spirit. Prayer flooded over into the apartment and I prayed out all kinds of stuff. It's good to know that while I'm on my fast the prayer is there as well. It's amazing how much healing, deliverance, and being aligned with God's heart can do in your life.

Today is still a work in progress but this morning God gave me a surprise in the clouds. I was driving to work listening to some worship music just thinking about the Lord when I looked up and to the left the clouds were shaped and had formed the word YES very distinctively and clearly. What was even more crazy is somehow the cloud formation moved directly in front of my viewing again saying YES. (all lower case letters). Almost as if God heard me be like "am I really seeing this or am I trippen?"

This week promises to be a busy one. Pray for endurance and ability to get all done that is required.

Sunday, June 3, 2007

Sweetest thing I've ever known...

The Lord truely is the perfector of beautiful surprises and unending reminders that His love for me is beyond anything I could ever think, feel, or comprehend. I love how He shoves me into the direction I am to pursue and confirms His love/plans for me through others/circumstances/sweet encounters. Tonight I find solace and rest in the sweet love of Jesus.

Days 6, 7, and 8 will have to flow in one post tomorrow (God willing).

Friday, June 1, 2007

Day 5 of 40

and nothing worth blogging over.
today was not a good one at all.
Wretched woman that I am.
The flesh is a ugly ugly thing to be so confined to.
Oh how I need my Father's hands to pick me apart then put me back together again.

Thursday, May 31, 2007

4 of 40

So it seems my revelations will be posted a day later. For I haven't had my date with Jesus yet, but want to get down the things I grasped as revelatory from Wednesday afternoon/evening.

I started with.

Elijah comes forth as a prophet of God in 1 Kings 17 with the prediction of drought ("there shall not be dew nor rain these years, but according to my word-v 1). God sends Elijah to Cherith where he is to drink from the brook and be fed by the ravens. God then sends him to Zarephath where a widow will be to take care of him. Elijah ame into the city with genuine faith and trust in God's words of instruction. How many of us today (including myself) would allow our natural minds to spin us into doubt with a whirlwind of unimportant questions?

All the widow had was sticks, some meal, and a little oil. The state of her poverty can be found in her response to Elijah ("I am gathering two sticks that I may go in and prepare it for me and my son, that we may eat it and die). But Elijah gave the word of the Lord which brought hope that the flour will not be used up nor the oil would run dry. And so in obedience the widow went and did what was asked of her.

Soon past the widow's son becomes severely sick, to the point of death. The widow then turns to Elijah questioning his reasons for coming (Art thou come unto me to call my sin to rememberance and to slay my son? v18?) *In this time and place suffering was mistakenly considered to be the result of sin*

Elijah then takes the boy to the upper room and cries out to God. He then stretches himself upon the boy 3 times and cried unto the Lord and said "Oh Lord My God I pray thee, let this child's soul come into him again"

Lord, let this too be our hearts cry for the youthful souls that are dead, not in body but in spirit. Let our posture of prayer be that of Elijah, let us lay over the grounds of our fathers and cry out for their dead and dying souls. Revive those souls just as You did the widow's son in v 22.

Points that I pulled from the scipture:
1. There is a drought in the land and there has been for some time now. (obviously-duh)A spiritual drought in the body of Christ. It is up to us to press in and pray for the much needed rains to fall.
2. Let faith arise- When God says go here, let us go and fully believe all will be taken care of.
When we can't see more than 5 feet in front of us, let our faith carry a trust so strong we wont' mind falling into the unknown, for we've already been caught.
3. Obedience- saying Yes to God and no to anything else that tries to pull us away from Him
4. Posture of prayer/intercession -will make a huge difference in breakthroughs. It may seem, feel, or look silly but if God tells you to stand on your head to must be worth doing.
Posture of prayer has continued to rise up in my spirit even today. I know there is more to it , need to seek deeper.

Church last night: Good word, something felt missing though.
Julian spoke of the fire of God and how we are to embrace it and not run from it.
From my notes: (In daniel 3-the fiery furnace) "The very thing the enemy used against them was the very same thing that was burned/consumed in the flames/fire.
*God allows us to go through the fire for that we can get promoted/grow closer to Him
*Isaiah 6:5-Isaiah's confession "Woe is me for I am undone, I am a man of unclean lips"
The seraphim then flew from the altar (which represents fire) to cleanse Isaiah's lips with the coal.
The fire of God is cleansing and removing those things that condemn us. Once Isaiah has been purged he is then ready for the CALL.
(JRU SIDENOTE: The initial heart of repentance, admitting the condition of man, and confession MUST COME FIRST before the fire can fall to cleanse, to purge, to prepare)

*God wants to sit as a refiner in our lives and burn out everything that is NOT OF HIM.

the irony of my title for my blog cannot be ironic at all.

it's a wrap
i'm done here
for now.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Days 2 and 3 of 40

My kitchen is adequately prepared with vegetables, fruits, water, and juices for my Daniel fast. God is helping to prepare the rest. I have dealt with a few spats of headaches but nothing major. I didn't realize how much crap I slam in my body on a daily basis. Bye bye to coffee and tea (to which I drink on a daily basis), but my body is adjusting well. It's crazy but I can slowly start to feel my body drain and rid itself of all impurities. Just in two days I have already been attune to things and quickened to hear things that before just weren't coming in clear. Kind of like I was tuned into A.M but God was speaking through the F.M channel.

I started reading in 1 kings about Elijah but have much more to digest and meditate upon. I am also reading the Elijah Revolution (Lou Engle and James Goll) as well as the journals of Jim Elliot. Yesterday afternoon before a quick nap there was a particular journal entry that spoke to me. It was from Jim's Oct 27th 1949 entry to which he was writing about what Christianity has become and what he prays a new generation will carry.

"Christianity has been analyzed, decried, refused by some; cooly eyed, submitted to, and it's forms followed by others who call themselves Christian. But alas, what emptiness in both! I have prayed for new men, fiery, wreckless men, possessed of uncontrollably youthful passion...these lit by the Spirit of God" I have prayed for new miracles. Explaining old miracles will not do. If God is to be known as the God who does wonders in heaven and earth, then God must produce for this generation.."

Oh how I pray dear Jim Elliot is witnessing the answering of his prayers even now. This generation is rising and falling into their appointed ranks. Lord YOU MUST produce for this generation! Our passion MUST be one of UNCONTROL. But is this not what the Call ..this huge fast is for/about? Are we not pulling on the heavenlies to fire will fall and revivial will rain down and literally shake and turn this generation upside down, flat on it's face, back..back to YOU???

God speaks even through journal entries written in 1949.

Let this just not be the "norm" or the thing to do cuz everyone else is doing it. "Well my youth group is fasting for the Call so I suppose I should to". NO God. Let it burn depths into souls with revelation that explodes and shoves individual as well as corporate purposes in everyones faces.

Today is Day 3 but my reflection time has not yet transpired, not to mention church is this evening and I come expecting.

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Ah sweet lightbulbs of revelation

I've wrestled with such a heaviness that at times I've felt suffocated in grime and muck. The will power to fight had certainly escaped my hands and my spirit felt like it had just dove headfirst into a gigantic pool of mud. NOt just any mud, but rather the deep black "stains your fingers for a day or two" mud.

Oh but praise God for shoving me forward into the "Jennie are you kidding? Get up and fight" mode, while blanketing down bursts of revelation as my face soaked the carpet.

Romans 6 pertains to our freedom from sin's power. As I began to read verses 4, 7, 11-13: I had my ah'ha moment that broke the veil to what would be the start to my healing process. Yes God's word says that I am free from sin and walk in newness of life but maybe, just maybe there was stored up sin lingering in my life. Maybe just maybe there was somewhere that I was entertaining sin, or came into contact with a spirit full of sin, or perhaps since my guard has been down...i had unawarely invited sin into my life. Not to mention if these things hold as valid, there must be sin I haven't repented of. Perhaps that is why I have felt so dirty and unworthy because a dirty intruder entered in and I didn't even have my bodyguard in position.

I am no longer in bondage to sin but rather I am a servant of righteousness (6:18)

"Glory in tribulations knowing that tribulations produce perserverance (patience) and patience produces character, and character hope..and hope does not disappoint us (romans 5:4-5) Have not my tribulations tried to belittle and destroy me? But through Christ and with the KING OF GLORY will they not in the end...strengthen my patience, character, and catapult my standard of hope?

and does Your word not further say that

If I hope for what I DO NOT SEE..with patience I wait for it?

Repentance falls and hope lands upon my soul and builds a nest inside my spirit.

Things are looking up after all.

Friday, May 18, 2007

Being Broken

but it will
be worth it
in the end
it has to be
did God himself not say it so?
Pressing through.
More like stumbling through
but His hand is steady and quick to pick me back up
Any day now.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Hearing..and listening..seeking and needing

Moses and the Burning Bush
: through this exchange of talking bushes and Moses stopping to listen it's obvious that God had something important for Moses. Moses did not have to question too long, nor stop to read the chapter entitled "how to hear from God". There was something about that voice..that presentation and delivery of authority that moved Moses into an "all ears" position:
Oh Lord how I long for the obvious, for my ears seem to deafened or maybe You've just kept quiet, kept things hidden and have been waiting for the right time to open Your mouth and drop words of instruction into my ears. I pray I haven't been too busy or distracted to notice any obvious doors You've opened. If the record has been playing, I need it to skip and play the part over and over again that is the answer to my questions. I just ask for open air waves and obvious signs. So obvious and in my face that I become sick of it. I cannot let up until I find peace.

...........I am desperate for something, anything that will sustain me..(sustain me with raisen cakes for I am sick with love)-song of songs. Needing You to prepare a place for me in the midst of all that hurts so I can come and seek whats on Your heart. As much as I've wanted to I cannot turn too far from what weighs heavily on my heart. There is no peace in this state of limbo Lord. The urgency cries out and refuses to be denied.
"Listen to me!
Hear me!
I"m screaming to Thee,
deny me not my heart"
For too long that's all I have done. Denied my emotions and feelings a voice.
oh how I need to hear His voice minister to my soul.
"Painted plastic smiles put on for it's easier to pretend
the pretty girl is perfectly patterned and put together.
Perhaps pictures skim the surface and portray a false presentation
of what lies in the depths of
Pick me apart"

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

the_art_of_letting_go explained

Mini tempter tantrums coming from no where
Have stopped me in my tracks and brought me
back to the root that caused
Why I've even sat here and gave it attention and allowed it
cannot be a thing of healthy status
As OBVIOUS stares me in the face,
and the voice of God begins to speak, for a minute
down in
to my corner for "is this relaly that big of a deal?"
As it seemed so harmless. I guess other parties found it
detrimental to future ties.
So I guess my temper tantrums
and spats of questions stem
from my forgetfullness of all that
was, all that wasn't, and all that shouldn't and
And so it goes, and so it goes, and once again
my eyes
are quickened

Saturday, May 5, 2007

Trusting and WAiting..Trusting and Waiting

After running errands I walked in the door and had a persistent press to find an old journal from 2005. It became a matter of urgency and for a split second I could not recall where I had placed it. Praise God for direction and leading me to the drawer by my nightstand. I feel I am to start reading through old notes, and writings and immediately I found things I wanted to share with others for surely someone somewhere may need something that is found on the scribbled pages.

It's funny how in 2005 I didn't understand a lot of the things God was giving me, didn't really live them in their fullness. But now the words leap into my soul and cling to the very things that dance within my spirit woman. Words and revelation have found a home and I gently welcome them in.

Elisabeth Elliot has wrote some excellent books (and her husband Jim Elliot has an amazing book full of his journal entries) and for awhile her words and meditations were really speaking to me, comforting me.
And as I looked back over the notes I had taken, I realized even now I am ..waiting...trusting..waiting..trusting.

All my longings lie open before You O Lord,
My sighing is not hidden from You.
My heart pounds, my strength fails me, even the light has gone from my eyes
I wait for You O lord. You WILL answer (psalm 38:9-10, 15)

Will and Desire (by Elisabeth Elliot)

*A pure heart is a single heart, not divided. A pure heart wills what God wills, no matter what the cost. Strength of will is to will against oneself to say "not my will-thine"*

*The Lord God will help me; therefore shall I not be confounded, therefore have I set my face like flint, and I know that I shall not be ashamed (isaiah 50:7)

*God never withholds from His child that which His love and wisdom call good*

*As we learn to fear, honor, and reverance Him, our desires themselves are gradually corrected. Things for which we once burned with desire, lose their appeal. We learn to love what He commands and to desire nothing that He does not promise* (my favorite!)

*Let us not make the mistake of directing our energies toward what is not today's business. The best preperation for the future is always the conscientious carrying out of what is given to us today* (How many times have I exhausted myself with things that are not today's business. Too often, too frequently. Not moving ahead too soon, staying where God says stay, move when He says move)

Let me not keep things hidden, up on the shelf to collect dust.

Thursday, May 3, 2007

National Day of Prayer

and I didnt' get to start off my morning at all like I wanted or hoped to. Figures.
I pray that some were fervant and broke some things in the heavenlies. I pray that somewhere students did come together in union to press and pull and shake and break.
I was reading from the Elijah list and it seems this scripture has been presenting itself loudly and boldly (hmmmm I think God is trying to really grab our attention here:

14 if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land. 2 Chronicles 7:14

off subject but stirring none the less..some of us are so close to whatever it is we SHOULd be doing that all we have to do is walk into it. Action..action..action.
passivity no more. (I speak to myself as well)

Tuesday, May 1, 2007

Loving God, Loving Others

Somedays we are more prone to irritability from the stupidity of those around us. Today has been one of those days where as my friend Zanne stated in her last blog, "I do not like people".
And as I sit here thinking about all the stupid and retard things people around me do, and the wacked out decisions that they make, I couldn't help but hear "Loving God..loving others..loving God...loving others.

For when it boils down to it...bottom line this is what we are called to do.
"27He answered: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'[a]; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'[b]" -Luke 10:27-

and then again here in John 15:12: This is my commandment, that ye love one another, as I have loved you"

Yikes. So first I am called to love God with my entire knitted and fabricated self which HE created and formed while I was in the womb. THEN I am called to love my neighbors not just as I love myself..but just as Christ has loved me. The reality of what that means and entails to is beyond my natural understanding, for I am currently in a "i don't like people" mood. Then again this breaks my ughness and switches the perspective off of how I feel, and back to God and what He's asking me to do. Not because I want to or don't feel like it, but because GOD is asking and commanding me to love in this fashion.

It's not about me
It's not about you
it never was
it's about God

Send revelation of Your love God so that we may love others as You love us

Monday, April 30, 2007

love is about trust right?

It sickens me to see the state that some engaged couples are in. I guess being a witness to their "crazy" makes me thank God with much praise that I am fully trusting in Him with my future and ALL the details. I've never met someone so insecure with themselves that they prep talk their fiance to keep their "eyes on them" before they go out in public, and then throw tantrums if the boy glances at another girl. I guess what's the saddest about this situation is the "boy" used to be one of my really good friends. After spilling my cup over at a cookout this past weekend and not even saying sorry or looking at me, I realized just how severe the situation has become. ANd my heart really does hurt for this friend of mine because he deserves soooooooooooooooooooooooooo much better. I pray God awakens his senses to reality and allows room for HIS voice in the midst of the relationship. Most importantly Lord let it be YOUR will.

I'm pretty sure love is all about trust, and trust is about love. So if you don't trust the one you love and aren't looking to GOD for direction with the relationship, what will be the sustainer as the pages are turned??

After my last blog my eyes fells about a devotional from Oswald chambers which fit perfectly for some of the things I was experiencing (and still am)

"Though it tarries..wait for it (Habakkuk 2:3) We cannot bring the vision to fufillment through our own efforts, but must live under it's inspiration until it fufills itself....Waiting for a vision that "tarries" is the true test of our faithfullness to God.

"Let God send you out through His storm, and don't go until He does. If you select your own spot to be planted, you will prove yourself to be unproductive, empty pod. HOwever if you allow God to plant you, you will "bear much fruit" (john 15:8)

and still..I wait. for what other choice will bring fufillment. nothing on my own. nothing in my own strength.

Plant me Lord where best YOU see fit.

Saturday, April 28, 2007

Indeed it tarries, yet still I wait for it

I feel like I'm being spun into this new dimension with God that I'm not ready for but it's as if something higher is forcing me into a corner where God has to get in my face and lay it all out before me. I've felt so silenced in my thoughts and my feelings have been put on mute for awhile now.

I wish I knew.

A block has formed it's way into my heart just as a clogged artery and I feel like everything inside me has been frozen to things I used to know, think, and feel. God is doing things before me in the spiritual that haven't manifested in the natural that move inside me. I cannot see what takes place before me, all I know is He's moving me, burning things, breaking things. And all this time resistance has stuck it's ground. I've been so non compliant to whatever is taking place. So closed up and stubborn but I have no clue why. Prayer is much needed.

At any rate..I haven't written or blogged anything in awhile (hence the resistance, the writers block, the lack of motivation). But I'm breaking the mold today and moving forward.

April 16th marked the deadliest school shooting in American History and I did a lot of writing during that time frame. A lot of praying and crying. Monday night I watched Jesus Camp. (A MUST SEE)

"I finally watched Jesus Camp tonight and it really stirred my spirit woman back to it's alerted stance. As I listened to one man bash the evangilistic move and criticize the radical movement of God, I found myself moved by compassion to pray for him and others like him. Everyone has their own opinions, motives, agendas, and beliefs. All my heart could do was cry out for revelation to drop down and explode! Revelation so intense that it stirs and burns away every opinion man may hold, view, or carry. No more watered down gospel and no more pick and choose value meals from the scriptures. I pray for an impartation of God encounters and revelation that will shake the foundations of this nation. Break ties that bind, sever roots birthed from false doctrine. Cause a spiritual uproar to be released from the heavenlies and align your people in a unified march towards our individual callings as well as our cooperate callings. Do what you must Lord. Burn a flame so deep into the hearts of the intercessors, but let us as Your people not soley rely on the intercessors to check in with Your heart. What IS ON YOUR HEART GOD? What's on Your heart? Let us be the bride who yearns to know the heart of the Father at all costs. Fill us with a restless passion that cannot be fufilled or stilled until we press in closer to You. Let intimacy no longer lay dormant in the pages of our past, let the covenants be established, renewed, and the celebration to CEASE NOT! We throw out our old wineskins , we no longer hoard and stash our idols in the closet. Send forth a holy exposure upon Your people. "

That Wednesday the 18th during our youth service at church we really pressed in and prayed Virginia Tech and the tradegy that had befallen upon them. That night I just kept hearing in my Spirit: God will be the remedy to the tradegy"
Something was said by Mandy Mason that night that shook my bones. She said, "Some of us haven't been living with eternity in view. Those who went to class that day did not know that in seconds their lives on earth would adruptly end." WOW. ....................Everything started to come together as I soaked in God's prescence. If we really started living with eternity in view think of the things we would start to actually do!!! We would stop waiting around and start living. I couldn't help but think of all the things I wanted to do for God and that He wants me to do before I stare eternity in the face. How disappointed would I be standing before Him knowing I wasted time sitting around in complaceny and just "being". As I started listing all the things in my heart I wanted to do I started to cry as God continued to question what I was waiting for. When revelation hits you it goes deep.

"Stagnant solitude no longer holds me up, no longer satisfies the longings and pressings in my heart. What have i been waiting for? What has the church been waiting on? As Andrew said "Why are we waiting for someone to qualify us as good enough? When did the blood of Jesus stop being not enough for us? THE BLOOD IS ENOUGH!!"

Are you living with eternity in view?
Are you waiting for someone to qualify you to go preach a word, or start your own business, or lead praise and worship, or paint pictures, or write books, or ..................????

Sunday, March 11, 2007

sickened but not silenced

X posted in my myspace blog

I am sickened by our society, repulsed by the things I read in the paper or see in the news. What a sick and cruel world we exist in and how anyone can sit there and not want to fight for the souls that stumble through the devil's playground, shows how cold and hard the hearts have become. In the paper a few days ago told a story of a 20 year old who shot a 14 year old. They were neighbors and the 20 year old shot the 14 year old in the chest in his own yard. All over..
a game. The 14 year old who died was a cousin of one of my students. Another account of disgust from our society that I heard about recently was how some teens decided it would be cool to give 2 and 3 year olds some marijuana and video tape it. I'm sure they were stoned out of their minds and thought it would be a good idea..but it's still gross and proves the enemy is going after our youth hardcore (2 years old?) Abortion is evidence that the attack begins even younger (conception).

Young girls compromise their souls and their purities for a night of "feel good" pleasure that will not linger but eventually torment and haunt them. With each boy, another part of their soul is given away until they are left broken, empty, feeling worthless and used. Self mutiliation leaves scars and wounds that can never be healed by bandaides or covered by clothes. Shrinks,doctors, and therapy sessions will still leave a void for many troubled teens. What dominates our society? The media, packed full of sex, lust, drugs, celeb status, and is constantly shoved down the throats of our youth and blinding their eyes.

So when did it become okay for us Christians to sit back and let the enemy take the hearts and souls of our children? He didn't even really have to take it forcefully; for somewhere down the road it was submitted. All the ones that turned their eyes, avoided the crisis that slowly poked it's head into our everyday lives. The voices that shrinked back into silence. The families that thought they were exempt from the whores, druggies, and cutters that roamed the halls of their children's schools. The silence..the hiding..the denial..the refuse..turned it over into the hands of death.

So we have a crisis situation that plagues our youth and we are the ones who must make a decision. What
do???? It's not rocket science and you don't have to be super spiritual to pray for revelation. The writings on the walls and it's blood falls before us. Our society has become like the wicked people of Judah in Isaiah chapter 1. The church is falling prey at a close second. But the hungry remnant warriors will be the ones who stand in opposition and stand in the gap for the mistakes and silence of those who were before us.

We will begin to put our foot down, open our mouths and scream ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!!. We say NO MORE. These cries have already started to errupt and shake the gates of hell. I am one of the ones who will fight to take back what the enemy has stolen. I fight to take back the hearts and souls of our youth. I fight for purity. I will fight for revival. I will fight for the end of abortion. I fight for the fatherless. I am one of the ones who will open my big ole mouth and speak forth love, Jesus, God, theWord!. I will fight for my students who have no respect due to their lack of a strong male father figure in their lives. It is my students who motivate me to speak forth. Their role models are B.E.T and 50 cent. Their aspiring careers are to be a "G" and have grillz and ride on 24 inch rims. They come to school hungry, with holes in their teeth, and tears in their clothes. Their thinking and reasoning have been limited and shaped by a society and goverment that sets them up to fail and slaps the answer to life in their hands titled "welfare".

Open your eyes. look around.
we have plenty to be fighting for.
Mount Up
(c) Jennie Ingram 3/10/07 during quiet time before the Lord.

Saturday, March 10, 2007

in love...

Falling in love with Jesus just gets sweeter and sweeter as time progresses. What a beautiful relationship I am in ....with a lover who will never let me go. All praises go to God for hunger and movement. My first blog entry is simple and sweet. I love You Jesus.