Monday, April 30, 2007

love is about trust right?

It sickens me to see the state that some engaged couples are in. I guess being a witness to their "crazy" makes me thank God with much praise that I am fully trusting in Him with my future and ALL the details. I've never met someone so insecure with themselves that they prep talk their fiance to keep their "eyes on them" before they go out in public, and then throw tantrums if the boy glances at another girl. I guess what's the saddest about this situation is the "boy" used to be one of my really good friends. After spilling my cup over at a cookout this past weekend and not even saying sorry or looking at me, I realized just how severe the situation has become. ANd my heart really does hurt for this friend of mine because he deserves soooooooooooooooooooooooooo much better. I pray God awakens his senses to reality and allows room for HIS voice in the midst of the relationship. Most importantly Lord let it be YOUR will.

I'm pretty sure love is all about trust, and trust is about love. So if you don't trust the one you love and aren't looking to GOD for direction with the relationship, what will be the sustainer as the pages are turned??

After my last blog my eyes fells about a devotional from Oswald chambers which fit perfectly for some of the things I was experiencing (and still am)

"Though it tarries..wait for it (Habakkuk 2:3) We cannot bring the vision to fufillment through our own efforts, but must live under it's inspiration until it fufills itself....Waiting for a vision that "tarries" is the true test of our faithfullness to God.

"Let God send you out through His storm, and don't go until He does. If you select your own spot to be planted, you will prove yourself to be unproductive, empty pod. HOwever if you allow God to plant you, you will "bear much fruit" (john 15:8)

and still..I wait. for what other choice will bring fufillment. nothing on my own. nothing in my own strength.

Plant me Lord where best YOU see fit.

Saturday, April 28, 2007

Indeed it tarries, yet still I wait for it

I feel like I'm being spun into this new dimension with God that I'm not ready for but it's as if something higher is forcing me into a corner where God has to get in my face and lay it all out before me. I've felt so silenced in my thoughts and my feelings have been put on mute for awhile now.

I wish I knew.

A block has formed it's way into my heart just as a clogged artery and I feel like everything inside me has been frozen to things I used to know, think, and feel. God is doing things before me in the spiritual that haven't manifested in the natural that move inside me. I cannot see what takes place before me, all I know is He's moving me, burning things, breaking things. And all this time resistance has stuck it's ground. I've been so non compliant to whatever is taking place. So closed up and stubborn but I have no clue why. Prayer is much needed.

At any rate..I haven't written or blogged anything in awhile (hence the resistance, the writers block, the lack of motivation). But I'm breaking the mold today and moving forward.

April 16th marked the deadliest school shooting in American History and I did a lot of writing during that time frame. A lot of praying and crying. Monday night I watched Jesus Camp. (A MUST SEE)

"I finally watched Jesus Camp tonight and it really stirred my spirit woman back to it's alerted stance. As I listened to one man bash the evangilistic move and criticize the radical movement of God, I found myself moved by compassion to pray for him and others like him. Everyone has their own opinions, motives, agendas, and beliefs. All my heart could do was cry out for revelation to drop down and explode! Revelation so intense that it stirs and burns away every opinion man may hold, view, or carry. No more watered down gospel and no more pick and choose value meals from the scriptures. I pray for an impartation of God encounters and revelation that will shake the foundations of this nation. Break ties that bind, sever roots birthed from false doctrine. Cause a spiritual uproar to be released from the heavenlies and align your people in a unified march towards our individual callings as well as our cooperate callings. Do what you must Lord. Burn a flame so deep into the hearts of the intercessors, but let us as Your people not soley rely on the intercessors to check in with Your heart. What IS ON YOUR HEART GOD? What's on Your heart? Let us be the bride who yearns to know the heart of the Father at all costs. Fill us with a restless passion that cannot be fufilled or stilled until we press in closer to You. Let intimacy no longer lay dormant in the pages of our past, let the covenants be established, renewed, and the celebration to CEASE NOT! We throw out our old wineskins , we no longer hoard and stash our idols in the closet. Send forth a holy exposure upon Your people. "

That Wednesday the 18th during our youth service at church we really pressed in and prayed Virginia Tech and the tradegy that had befallen upon them. That night I just kept hearing in my Spirit: God will be the remedy to the tradegy"
Something was said by Mandy Mason that night that shook my bones. She said, "Some of us haven't been living with eternity in view. Those who went to class that day did not know that in seconds their lives on earth would adruptly end." WOW. ....................Everything started to come together as I soaked in God's prescence. If we really started living with eternity in view think of the things we would start to actually do!!! We would stop waiting around and start living. I couldn't help but think of all the things I wanted to do for God and that He wants me to do before I stare eternity in the face. How disappointed would I be standing before Him knowing I wasted time sitting around in complaceny and just "being". As I started listing all the things in my heart I wanted to do I started to cry as God continued to question what I was waiting for. When revelation hits you it goes deep.

"Stagnant solitude no longer holds me up, no longer satisfies the longings and pressings in my heart. What have i been waiting for? What has the church been waiting on? As Andrew said "Why are we waiting for someone to qualify us as good enough? When did the blood of Jesus stop being not enough for us? THE BLOOD IS ENOUGH!!"

Are you living with eternity in view?
Are you waiting for someone to qualify you to go preach a word, or start your own business, or lead praise and worship, or paint pictures, or write books, or ..................????